The City of God's Smile

I spent three nights and two nights in Bandung with my college friends. This journal entry was a reflection from that trip, thinking what Bandung and my friends mean to me. The name that I gave to the city was inspired by a famous quote by M. A. W. Brouwer, “The Land of Pasundan was born when God was smiling.”

I’m writing this with you in mind because I’m a coward. I’m a coward because I’m afraid to wear my heart on my sleeve–to say the words and let myself feel everything. Maybe I just feel too much hence I could not bear everything in my chest. Thus, I write–and I do it with you in mind.

I learned so much about myself these past three days. I learned from my reactions to see the mountainous scenery far from my eyes, to feel the cold air yet warm sunlight on my skin, and to ruminate on our conversations.

I feel the most alive when I’m in the city of God’s smile–far from my family who is the source of my spiralling thoughts. It’s the nature–climate, view, and people’s smile–that makes me connected to the city. I found myself feeling the most alive while running in early morning–visiting iconic historical places and working my thighs through the elevation gains.

However, I also feel alive because of you, and all of our friends. Did you know that I know you are truly my friends because of how hard I laughed around you all? It’s a recurring theme since high school. I found out that I laugh freely when I feel comfortable. I think you, from all people, know how hard I think. As my mind is tense with worries and what-ifs, I unknowingly turn my face to rigid frowns. However, it’s all loose with you all. I cross my arms when I feel worried and insecure, but I found myself mirroring your free and relaxed smile time to time. I think that’s my favorite trait of yours. I’m grateful for everyone because you all remind me to not take things too seriously.

In the moment of our trip, our country is getting hotter. It’s hot because of the unfair policies, the rising protests from the people, and the restlessness knowing our future is getting murkier. My mind is heavy because of this. We should be grateful for being able to gather despite all of this. Yet, in the City of God’s Smile, I feel like I’m at the heart of the protests while looking at the signs, marks, and trees.