Welcome to my dream log! One of my quirks is to grasp on my dreams and tell it to my friends. Back in 2020, I challenged myself to write down my dreams immediately. I learned from somewhere that this would train our brain to remember our dreams better.

I’m using this page to archive dreams that mean a lot to me in the long run. I genuinely think dreams reflect something important in our current life: a representation of desire, fear, and routine. However, I hope these dreams show you how silly my life is, our life is. Even during sleep, our brain continues to work and we dream silly things of our life. How endearing that is?

Some dreams during the diploma program

May 20, 2026

My favorite routine these days are spending my days working in H Bar. Starting the day early with a breakfast there before 9 AM and Cedric is the consistent company to also be there. Around 12.30 PM, we take lunch and walk around Miramare Castle before going back to work by 2 PM.

Yesterday at H Bar, Lucy told us the she dreamt we’re travelling in Rome. Apparently, I got robbed and lost my passport. I was crying at the embassy. I laughed out loud and told everyone on how I’ve heard Asian tourists being an easy target to rob and scam.

This morning, Burak told us of his dream taking the bus and seeing insects around a random house. Apparently, I was across him in the bus and being skeptical towards two ticket officers who don’t look like the usual. One of the guys also kissed Burak’s head???

Anyway, I know I will hold someone close to my memory once they appeared in my dreams. I hope this is a sign of a long-lasting friendship too among us.

Some months later, before we depart from Trieste, I dreamt that I was back in Jakarta. I was in the car on the way to my family house. And somehow, Burak, Bee, and William were there to accompany me. I brought my friends who are Turkish, Filipino, and Indonesian growing up in Batam to my home city. I was anxious on coming back to my home town and I subconsciously thought of them as support.

Chest and tattoos

April 24, 2023

Last night, I dreamt that I was diving shirtless and I see myself from a third-person point of view from the front. I’m not sure if my chest was flat, but I liked to believe so since uh… if it was not, then damn I was very confident to be shirtless. Aside from that, the cool part would be the fact that I had tattoos across my chest. I think it’s a tree with the main trunk located on my left chest. The branches and leaves grew across my chest and some ended on my right chest. So my left chest would be more covered with tattoos than the right side. The tree was colorful. To my surprise, I think I even saw the color purple, so it’s vibrant.

I passed away

February 18, 2023

Last night, I dreamt about something dreading. In my dream, I passed away. It took place in a setting that resembles my family house. Out of nowhere, my sight was blurred and I had a hard time moving around. The only thing that allowed things to move was to let go and acknowledge that I died. I needed to say that all is well and I surrendered my life to God.

In that moment, I was scared of death. However, because it just happened, I was forced to face it. In that moment, I realized that in the end of the day, things that I fight for right now might not be important in the face of death. Me fighting and hoping for the rights of marginalized people doesn’t mean anything when I’m in the face of death–unprepared to leave family and friends.

I woke up and found out that there’s a blackout in my room, hence it was totally dark and it triggered the dream. After that, I couldn’t help to think about what I actually deemed as important, whether it will still be important in the face of death, and how I actually missed my parents.

I feared for transphobia

February 9, 2023

I had an anxiety-inducing dream. It made me anxious because there’s a bullying theme. Specifically, a group of people in my life was cornering me and saying bad things in front of me, about how ridiculous it is to be a nonbinary person.

After having this dream, Cla’s last birthday message for me rang clear in my head.

“I wish the world can be more comfortable to you”.

That is such a precious message and I hope Cla knows how meaningful that words are to me. Because it is undeniably cruel and unfair: this fear and unease that queer people must endure, while the queerphobic people think we’re just fooling around and such. We’re literally fighting for our life to just exist.

She appeared in my dream

November 11, 2021

Around two days ago, I took a nap. It was a three-hour nap after Elem. Linear Algebra class. In my dream, someone interesting from my campus appeared. She is physically attractive, but the most important part is how exciting her personality and the energy she excludes. So it’s no wonder that I may have my mind wonder about her sometimes. However, I know for sure how strong I hold this principle to not let my mind crosses the boundaries, especially if they’re my direct friends. Therefore, I did it again, just like what I did to all the person that I’ve regarded as attractive. I pushed the thoughts.

But there she was, appeared in my dream, with a fiction story where I could have the chance to be with her.