First time on setting goals

I have been archiving daily logs since 2020. However, I must have been inspired and determined that I wrote new year resolutions to start 2025:

• Apply to ICTP postgraduate diploma programme
• Prioritize my work at W+B (I had been working at that company for six months), to learn as much as I can
• Sleep for at least six hours on normal days
• Run at least twice a week with one long run
• Research for DIY gender-affirming care (aim for low-dose testosterone therapy, due date: next birthday)

Did I do all of them? Unsurprisingly no. However, the first two were really the most important and I am glad I gave my best for both. The rest of the year turned great mainly because of it. As I am going through 2026, the rest of the goals are still relevant. I mentioned additional goals that are ever-lasting:

• Draw more and explore botanical art, especially as gifts
• Convert the garage of my family house to weight-lifting station
• Research other postgraduate programs for future reference
• Write more to friends, to encourage myself more to express my feelings without the fear of being too much (Tell people that you adore and appreciate them)

Until now, the last point is still a strong reminder for me. I wrote it with Arbi in mind, a friend whom I met back in undergraduate study. From him, I learned to be bold with my adoration to the people around me. I didn’t realize that I was scared of being too much to my friends. Knowing him makes me realized that I don’t need to guard myself. It is empowering to know that you can give your heart to others—not to receive anything in return, but simply because you hold such deep love within you.

Open trips in Indonesia

I was working as a math graduate in an engineering firm at South Jakarta. I often think that I grew up as a young adult there. Probably because I started my professional life there. I started as an intern–an undergraduate student who’s pretending to be brave facing corporate life. Later on, I came back more confidently as a junior engineer after graduation. I am very grateful to say that I was surrounded by kind colleagues from all ages. Even after leaving the company, I am happy to call some of the young colleagues my friends.

I have to give special mentions to Luqman, Kak Tiara, and Kak Sakti. We all worked in the same group (hidup Climate Resilience!) and they are the people behind my most memorable trips at that year. Kak Tiara likes nature and she is brave enough to take on open trips with strangers to visit the hidden gems around Java. We followed her lead to join an open trip together.

Our first trip was to Sebesi Island and Anak Krakatau on April. It was a first to many things for me: snorkeling, riding a ferry from Java to Sumatra, riding a small boat, etc. Open trips in Indonesia are not comfortable. We slept on sturdy hard floors while waiting, the boat was slow as the sun roasted you slowly. Nevertheless, it was a fun trip and most importantly, it was fun because of my three companies.

I just faced my fear and I understood the beauty of snorkeling as I admired the colorful view below me. As I was floating on the ocean, I looked up and admired the gray Krakatau. I thought of its significance in this world as its explosion changed our Earth in the past. As I drifted away, I looked away towards the island we were staying in. Sebesi Island was a home to the friendly small village, protected by their big palm trees and hills. I thought my life is complete after admiring the beauty of this big nature–this is enough.

Our second trip was bittersweet as I coined it as my last trip before moving to Trieste. We went to Karimunjawa, known as our second Bali. It was definitely my favorite trip as we made a strong bond with the other four travelers. They were also friends, even better we shared the same alma mater. I felt alive as we ran uphill from our home stay. We cruised the hills and stopped by the beaches. We admired the sunset and sunrise. We bantered while drinking in a cafe when the night came. I knew life is okay when someone you just met could wish for your success on your next journey.

Applying to ICTP

I was not planning to really pursue postgraduate study but ICTP’s Earth system physics program. I was also content with my work at my past company. Nothing felt right for me but that program. I didn’t want to use the usual national scholarship so their fully-funded program made sense. I was looking for an intersection between mathematics and climate science which was also hard coming from an Indonesian institution. Reflecting back, I am tremendeously thankful that they accepted me to the diploma program as it steered me to many more opportunities.

As I reminisce the process of my application, I think about the time I slipped between my work to touch it up. I did my interview in the afternoon, working from home, and some time before I started my after-lunch work. I spent weekends preparing for my English test. I read relevant literatures on climate science while commuting between home and work.

I asked my college friends on how to deal with rejection as I waited for their admission results. I asked my little sister whether I should accept their offer or not after receiving the letter. I was scared that I was throwing out my potential career, moving to a country we rarely think of for education and studying in a program that doesn’t even give me a Master’s degree.

I was not planning to really pursue postgraduate study, at least at that moment. However, I chose to take the risk and to see what I can become despite the uncomfortable unknown.

Farewell to my first office

Written at May 21:

Tonight I cried on my Gojek drive from Kranji Station to my home. Several hours ago, most youngsters of my office gathered to prepare for the coming family gathering event. In the end of the evening, I found myself telling Kak Anggi about my study plan. I let myself think about this again in the ride home. 

I remembered how I cried when I say goodbye to Kak Nicho, how I cried in the train when I realized Kak Hugo will leave. I cried because I just realized I will leave everything too. 

I know they are just colleagues, it’s not a home but an office. However, I just proved myself again that “it can take only a year to call a place a home” and this particular office is simply a comfortable place because of the people. 

I remembered the days I was worried sick because of my parents’ kidneys surgery. Kak Anggi and Cornel successfully cheered me up and tried to help me. 

I know that my current workplace is not a perfect place. I still remember the hurt feeling when several people express their homophobia and transphobia. However, the friendliness and playfulness are not something you can force.

I guess in the end I’m deeply grateful to spend another year in the best workplace I could ever ask for. I cry because I am so thankful for this past year. 

Proven by my experience with my colleagues here, I realized that I’m comfortable there when: (1) I can laugh as loud as possible and (2) they know my emotional side–being easy to feel guilty and cry.

Settling in Trieste

Rubio said the first months of the diploma program felt so long. Time moves slowly as you adapt in a new environment with new people. What he said was completely true. I took each weekend seriously and there’s always something new to learn from the city and from my new friends.

As a new student, we spent our first nights in the institution’s generous guesthouse. From the room, you can see what to expect from your stay there: blackboards and the Gulf of Trieste. Being in my room also showed me a promise of the wonderful people that I would meet there. Hanan, my roommate, welcomed me warmly despite my lateness. She showed me what I needed to know around. Apparently, you will miss many things by missing one day of the orientation days.

I ran along the beach on my first evening in Trieste. My body clearly didn’t care about the timezone change and the long travel. Looking back, it is funny that I encountered storm immediately, both in Singapore and Trieste, during my travel there. I didn’t realize at that time, but extreme events have always been a recurring theme both in my life and research pursuit.

Finally, our student life is not complete without our apartment. We stayed in a place branded as Campus X. Most of us had complains about the place, but truly it was a blessing that all of us stayed in the same building. We celebrated wins and losses there, mainly at the basement–the communal space with kitchen, cinema room, and games such as fussball and billiard.

Anyway, I closed the year by having dinner with more than ten students in the program. Being surrounded by a big group of friends made me realized on the warm community we built there. Truly while being faraway from our own family, we could only rely on each other and I was grateful to have them.

I think 2025 was a year of duality. It is easy to seperate my experience between my life before and after coming to Trieste. However, both are exceptionally true. I am grateful to know that I consistently feel deeply. People are the source of my life and I am grateful to always find good people around me.